Note: There are several testimonials that have the parents contact information available. These could not be displayed publicly but can be available upon request.
Given the nature of these family's situations, some parents requested privacy and I could not display their whole names and identities. This is unfortunate for credibilities sake, but necessary given the circumstance.
“Since meeting Tom we have a new way of looking at our relationship with our son. We could never have gotten this understanding from anywhere else. We now have ways to manage our home that leads to success. Thank you Tom”.
Cindy and Kim,
Parents, Sylvan Lake AB
“I went to Tom to learn about a family member with an addiction and I learned things about addiction that I’ve never heard before. When I used his principles with my relative it was my door he showed up on when he wanted to change. I’ve never been closer to this person before than I am now, thank you Tom!”
Entrepreneur, Calgary AB
The biggest gift I have gotten from Tom’s seminars is a way to communicate with my daughter. Now she listens and responds to me, with a willingness to co-operate. We are re-kindling our relationship with each other at a more mature level, one step at a time, thank you Tom.
Dawn B. Rocky Mtn. House.
I must tell you Jim and I walked away with a wealth of information from you. Even better, our relationship with our son since this class has been awesome. He has not left home, he is working, going to school and back playing hockey!!!
D & J. R. Sylvan Lake, Ab
I was very pleased with the courses on the weekend and have begun some of the homework. My first task was to share some personal experiences with my daughter and her response was incredible. She began to open up to me and express some of her feelings.
I have many tasks yet to accomplish on my homework and will keep you informed.
I just wanted to let you know that I feel we are off to a great start and know there are challenging and painful growth in our future, but it will be well worth it. Thank you again for great information. I will wait to call you as I would like to get farther on my homework so I can take full advantage of the 30 free minutes of consultation that you are providing.
Melinda N. Parent and Health care professional
Grand Rapids, Michigan, U.S.A
Myself and my four kids are all great. MY son is not totally out of the woods yet but he has come miles from where he was and I thank you again for your help. He is physically back to being very healthy and has not lost his love of staying very fit and keeping his love and God given talent for volleyball. It's like we have our loving brother and son back. Our relationship is almost back to where it used to be. Please continue to send me your newsletters and know that I would recommend your help to anyone who I know needs it.
Michelle Johnson, Roseburg Oregon, Accountant.
After setting a couple of boundaries and a recent trip back to visit with family in Ontario that we hadn't seen for quite awhile, our son seems to have reconnected with us. Our extended family in Ontario is quite large and welcomed us back with love and acceptance. I know that visit had an impact on the way our son sees himself and our family as part of the bigger picture. I know that he still uses alcohol and marijuana, however the frequency and the amount has decreased and he is making wiser choices. For instance, there were two parties last weekend on Friday and Saturday night that he chose not to attend. Friday night he was home by 10:30 and Saturday he was home by midnight and in bed. A few months ago that wouldn't have been the case. He would have stayed out all night and when questioned about it, he would fire off several rounds of profanity at us and we'd be told to mind our own business.
I do see a change in him for the positive and I hope it continues. We all still have a ways to go but thanks to your guidance I think we are better prepared now to handle any backsliding that may occur.
Thanks again Tom. God bless.
Jane W. Sylvan Lake.
Any feedback from you would be greatly appreciated. On a smaller scale, I have been doing the “You know what” homework with our other 3 daughters as well and they love it!
Audrey E. Sundre, Alberta
Thank you for your newsletter Tom,
My son got a DUI last week, he is still living committed to his addiction. I have just clearly decided the following:
"Complacency is accepting the addict as he is; standing for his transformation, albeit challenging and confronting, is real love"! Marilou Penner
Thank you for your commitment to families Tom..because of your love, I know how to make that difference!!
Marilou Penner, Calgary contact info available upon request
“I hope Tom continues his public speaking, starting at an early grade level like 6 or 7, he should speak to the kids and their parents, this has worked out so well for me” T.P. Sundre AB (mom)
“No advice for Tom, he is great”
M.H. Sundre (mom)
I would be more than happy to do so for you, Give me till next friday and I will have one for you, and you can go over it and if anything needs to be added to it you can let me know. I do have to tell you that I have taken everything you have spoken about and have used it in my daily life so far and I can not believe what a difference it has made so far. I must thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the invaluable information, you have given us. I can give you a synopsis of my past parenting and my present parenting and everything in between.
Alley G, parent, 4 children, Red Deer, AB 403 314 9692
Things are going great in my home. I have
used your strategies regarding love, acceptance and respect. Kids seem more
open to discuss any situations they may have.
Sorry I did not get back to you. Work has been a little crazy now that it is inventory time. And no the kids do not have me tied up. LOL
Donna Smith, Ponoka AB.
Hello, well since school has officially ended, things are doing great! I have moved into a bigger house, and the boundaries, how ever small they might be are doing good things. I am very proud of my 8 year old Johnny, he has made some decisions about his father (none of which I have said!). He has decided that he does not want to talk to him on the phone, when I asked why he replied “well mom ...... I don’t think its fair that he gets to make me feel bad when I don’t want to go there”. I was so impressed with my son for using his words and saying what he feels. The new example I am setting for him has caused this and more Tom. Thanks again for the amazing course!!
Okay, I think they're off base on those thoughts. At no time did I think that you glorified this lifestyle. Certainly the feedback from my students indicates that as well. Unless they see life threatening situations, mental health concerns and
losing, (for a time) all that was important to you as positive then I guess so, but certainly you'd have to be a bit warped to see it that way. The kids were very positive and took your message to heart. They talked about you being one of the only ones that actually seems to know what it is like. None of it dealt with the glorified drug dealing aspect. Hope that helps, and stay being honest with the way life really is, it is the only thing that gets these kids to listen.
p.s. I did notice that when you spoke you the students weren’t even moving in their chairs. From my perspective, that rarely happens.
In reply to your note, I am very sorry if people got the wrong slant on your talk as I thought you gave us such an excellent presentation, and definitely told your story like it was. I attended as a concerned Grandparent, and I come away feeling you had really filled us in on the drug story, which most of us are pretty naive about.
Rosalie Smith, Grand-parent, Sundre Ab,
“Thank you. Your style works well for me. I am excited to use the techniques you presented. This helps give me the confidence to parent my young child through a split family and into his adulthood without pushing him away.”
Jacci Haster, Executive Assistant, Family Services.
Three words to describe you Tom are:
Openness, frankness, and positive attitude.
Every parent wants their child to be successful in their life choices. That is not always possible. All we can give our child is “Roots & Wings” knowing that we did our very best to raise responsible children.
I, as a parent, do not want my child to be attached to mom’s apron strings. Tom – thank you for helping me to grow as a parent and helping me give my children Roots and Wings.
Susan Remco, Sundre AB
(Mother of Adult children suffering from drug abuse)
A letter written to a City Police School Resource Officer in Central Alberta.
Jerry and I went to Tom's seminar last night. It was amazing. He truly is a terrific speaker. I went away from there with a lot more knowledge about parenting and drugs than I thought I would. He is so kind, approachable, and presents his information in a way that is understandable and that I could so relate to.
I wish he could speak to the Junior High kids. (Just as I wish you could spend more time there). I wanted to take Johnny with us, but for one, he did not want to go and it was quite late. We have registered for his boundaries course he is holding in January. I very much enjoyed his presentation, and when he acted out how parents typically react to things, I had to laugh(and cry at the same time), because that was sooo me!!!
I think the workshop helped me out a lot. Sorry I have not written sooner. Its Christmas...
As for Garrett, I have been practicing the relationship rules daily. That is as far as I have gotten but it is making a big difference.
Garrett has gone to AADAC and is seeing Jon Friesen there regularly. He has been staying in my home but has behaved very well. He had an interview with a treatment facility on the 22nd and is waiting for a date to enter the home. He has also seen Social services for assistance in the cost of this. Most important, is that he is doing this himself. I live in a gated Adult community and the managers have asked that Garrett move out by Jan 2nd so he is making arrangements to live elsewhere. No assistance from me. Its awesome Tom!
Financial Planner, Mother of Adult Children
Red Deer, Ab
I will make a better effort to stick to 3 times a day. By the way I've also started doing this with my two younger daughters aged 11 and 9. The look of absolute love and joy on their faces when I respect, accept and love them has been so wonderful. They are talking to me more about difficult things in their little lives and I can feel a bond forming that wasn't there before. Some other little things. My son hasn't missed curfew in weeks and when he comes home, he comes into our room to say goodnight and get a kiss. He's almost 17!! He's also having friends and his girlfriend over and spending time with us...there have been so many changes that I'm motivated to stick to the plan. I'm also excited for my husband to hear your story in March in Lacombe. I'd like his life to be changed as well. Thank you Tom.
Jennifer Henson, Mom clinical nurse
Centennial Mental Health Center
An update for you Tom.
Ryan is still living apart from us and I very much doubt that he will ever return home to live. Having said that, he has been making more of an effort to keep in touch and is much more respectful. He occasionally asks me for money and I don't give in. What's changed in me is more of a focus on myself, forgiving myself for past mistakes and taking the opportunity to do the things I enjoy.
He knows now that when I say "no" I really mean it and he is respecting that - that hasn't happened his whole life.
I stand up for myself and don't let Ryan manipulate me and my relationship with my husband has improved because of it. My husband is supportive without any judgement. He has even reached out to Ryan and asked him to join us curling which Ryan has mentioned he would like to do. It feels really good to feel good.
Alberta Health Services
Things have been going good with daughter that lives with me. She has gained
respect for me as well me for her. We tell one another our plans and what we
doing. That way we know where one another are. She knows she has school to do.
She attends outreach, so doesnt attend at reg. hours. She gets her work done.
She has learned that she is to be at home by 11pm. If she not, she must contact
me. We make each other feel loved more than we ever have. I hear & laugh
more than ever before.
My daughter that doesnt live with me, phoned the other day to go for supper.
She hasnt taken me up on the whole day together yet or a mother/daughter time.
Supper was great though. I have her tell me where she would like to eat, then
what we could do after. I want her to be able to tell me what she would like
& do. That way she has to think about what she wants.
Thanks to you, Tom, I feel like a happier person.
Mom, Lumber Sales Representative
These questions and strategies are brilliant and practical, Tom!
Thank you for helping parents out there who are at a loss to know what to do.
PS: if it is helpful to you, you may quote me. Patricia Morgan, MA, author of Love Her As She Is: Lessons from a Daughter Stolen by Addictions
Yes Tom my son did receive an inheritance,
Inheritance came in the form of a house to live in which worked out great.
Son has been clean ever since I attended your course and doing well. Working full time with no days missed. Keeping clean which is really great and getting his life on track.
I would like to forward your information to a friend of mine who has a son not doing so well. I have been giving her some of your inspirational messages. When I get her email address I will forward to you.
Mary Anne Gordson,
R.M.T, Calgary AB,
If I omit a statement you liked, and you remember what it was, please do tweak as you see fit with my complete permission.
"I just wanted to thank you so very much for being there for us in a moment of crisis. It means the world to us when we send a frantic panicked email to you about a situation happening with our son, and within a short time frame you have responded with hand-holding, support and most importantly action steps. Every single time your advice is on spot, practical, action oriented and it WORKS. We are grateful. Thank you."
Enjoy the scenery.
From: Lori Bajonski [email@example.com]
Sent: September 15, 2010 9:16 AM
Subject: Re: Street Smart Parenting Tip- A $1,500,000 tip for parenting.
Tom gets/understands people with addiction and mental illness and makes them feel comfortable to share how they really feel without judgement or fear of being punished or getting into trouble. I felt acceptance for myself that allowed me to quit drinking and stop hurting my family. My family always got angry at me and told me to 'Get over it', this caused me to want to drink more and hate myself more for those I was hurting and reminding me didn't help! Tom knows what works in reality!!! He will help you I guarantee!! -